We are socially and culturally encouraged to be “with”… not alone. Having many friends, being social, connecting with community, and being part of the village are common promotions. So naturally people are afraid to be alone, to be tagged as loner or wierd or anti social. While most men embraces their freedom, most women on the other hand are very much scared to be alone. 

Is being with Mr. Wrong much better than being alone ??. While Feminism is big right now but still there is a majority of young women population who would choose to be in an unhealthy relationship rather than taking the way out. Most of these women are strong and financially independent women who can easily leave but still they choose to be with unfaithful, withdrawn and abusive partner. 

When women get into relationship just for the reason that don’t want to be alone.They do things all the wrong way. They try to control their partner or others with anger, blame, tears or compliance. They put up with intolerable or abusive behavior. They do rationalize that, no matter how bad it is, it is better than being alone. They feel as if they can’t go on if they end up alone. None of these make sense you are not a child who is left alone in the darkness, you are grown women who can get up and walk out and live in the light if you choose to. All that need to be said is NO.

We only feel alone when we abandon ourselves. We may feel lonely when we want to share love with another and there isn’t anyone there, or the other person is closed to connection. But being lonely is a fact of life. It can occur within a relationship or without. In fact, Most women are extremely lonely in their relationship, perhaps more lonely that they would have been had they been alone. Women are willing to tolerate the deep loneliness and heartbreak to avoid being alone.
There’s heightened focus today on relationships: how to have healthy ones, how to date, celebrity break-ups and hookups, contentious divorces and parenting conflicts. There’s massive professional advice flowing on how to do it all better. Does relationship with self therefore get the short shrift? There is a flaw if intimate connection with self does not get the same richness or urgent attention. The inner portrait of each person and their own creative spark and aliveness is often found in solitude. It can then can be energetically focused outward in important and loving relationships. It may even clear your thoughts about what is healthy for you. “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” -David Whyte

Sure, relationships need work but that work doesn’t mean you be end up in bruises. Women can takeover the world leave alone a man.( Like the new Shawn Mendes song says, any girl like you deserves a gentlemen so let’s find someone who “Treat You Better”). Just be brave and be sure of what you don’t want. It may be hard but you have to give it a try. You deserve to be treated right and nothing less. Go for love, don’t settle for anything else. 

Image credit : shutterstock.



  1. Life is a discovery process. It takes some people years to discovery who they are and what they like about themselves. Being in a relationship with self is the most important one of all. Being alone and getting to know yourself is fine. If you decide to get into a relationship, do it for the right reasons. We are all worthy and deserving to love and to be loved. There is no need to settle.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. But I think that the fear of being alone not only stems from the fear of being alone and the valuation of ourselves based on the acceptance of others or even the pressure of that invisible timeline. Society has always had a make believe time line of when you should get married have kids etc. it’s everywhere. I on the other hand love being alone and I know that I’m not cut out for the family life although I do have a child. But I also acknowledge and own my imperfections and my perfection.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve just read this post and agree that some women people fear being alone. Society is always projecting images of couples or families as the ‘happy norm’
    Some women who work hard to look after fairly unappreciative families and have started to feel invisible crave some time on their own with no demands. Time to rediscover what they liked to do before heavy responsibility took over.
    I enjoyed reading your article
    Thank You

    Liked by 3 people

  4. In our opinion it is not only women who are afraid to be alone but also men. Society in general is afraid to be alone, hence the addictions to digitial media which is paradoxical really because instead of ineracting with REAL people in REAL LIFE most of us hide our insecurities in the pretend world of digitalism. Men tend to avoid displaying their insecurities and most would never admit that they feel alone because society has not brought them up that way. Admitting to being alone would dint a mans armour or cramp his style. That is why we believe at the”Gilmours Nice Place” that we have so many problems in our world – People taking themselves far too seriously and pretending to be somebody who they are not. Thank you for posting. We enjoyed the read and all the best greetings from the magical Black Forest. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Some have the problem of being alone, in fact, the most common people are those that tend to live the life of other people(especially living the life of celebrities). They get themselves attached to what they cannot fit in by only wanting to feel among. as you’ve mentioned in the last paragraph,” be brave and be sure of what you don’t want”,i will complete it as “tap into what you want, be yourself and don’t settle for less”

    Liked by 3 people

  6. There is nothing wrong with moments alone …we all need that whether we are single or married young or old. It’s about striking a balance knowing when to be to yourself and when to be that social butterfly. You do touch on a good point …that we tend to think if someone is alone that something is wrong with them and that includes how people look at men too. If a man is single and alone …is he a perv? a loner etc, it’s time to understand we all need space some more than others.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I think in many cases we are afraid of the what comes at us when we stay alone and become an old spinster or old pervie.
    It is the fear of talk about us and what is thought of us in many ways. Because it is obvious we should be with… It s what we were taught.

    the have to be and should be’s all push us in one direction and it is in our nature to make mistakes when under stress of having to be like others.

    Be free and keep smiling. No one can tell you how to live life

    Fun, maybe old fact (read it somewhere years ago) Men are just as bad, they know or better yet want to marry the girl they are with within the first three to six months of the relationship. They to do not want to be alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I am a feminist I am not married, never had been married. No boyfriend never. I don’t feel lonely. Women think they are lonely without a man. That is so conservative. It’s your feeling that is fooling yourself. You can be happy without a man if that is what you need. I think feminism needs a improvement.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Men are simple, they need a woman to set requirements and standards she needs in a relationship. Tell him upfront and he is willing to respect your standards if he loves you. If he doesn’t love he just moves on in search of easy benefits. But unfortunately most ladies don’t set any standards and men are happy to get away without any commitment

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I completely agree with you. But I know both men and women who fear being alone and are desperate for a partner. I think they crave the company of another person that they can share their personal space with. I never felt the grave necessity for that – but I am weird and a loner, and always have been, LOL! – but for many others, it seems to be a deeply set urge that needs to be fulfilled. Where that urge comes from, I am not entirely sure and it may be different for different people. So we really need to start with promoting more introspection and self-reflection I think, so we know where the urge is coming from, and then deal with that first. Without that, it may be difficult to convince people that they ought to be able to enjoy their own company.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Excellent post! Even though I am a male, this can be applied to both genders. I tell this to women a lot that they don’t need a man, the media and society applies pressures to do so. As for men, the same deal. I have broken up and yes it sucks, but in that time period I challenged myself to be alone. I discovered myself and learned to love myself. If we dont discover who we are then we will keep going around living our lives like the “rest”, and never our own. Thank you for your posting!

      Liked by 2 people

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